Make Money Online
by Mike Philbin
First published online on 2008 January 01.
SFFH: Article
Her name was Hercules ****. Sure, it sounded like a stage name.
So what? Her name was Hercules **** and tonight she would give
birth to her first polar bear. That’s all you need to know.
There was something very special about Hercules ****–for one,
she was not technically alive. She had been the subject of so
many prosthetic enhancements, gaggles of slavering Supreme Court
Judges sat around in their designer-****-shaped mansions most
evenings debating whether she was still technically human or whether
the mechanoid element of her stage persona had taken over the
circuit board of her infamy.
Hercules **** was the richest ****** in Megaverse Corporation.
It was official. Well, she made everyone in her entourage spread
the word virally in the Love Hotels of Megaverse Subjugation Union.
Each member of the hotel would have a little piece of Hercules
in them when they left these super-clean compartments of supra-marital
bliss. It was the law. Like having a passport used to be law to
pass through separate landmasses on our old world. You pass through
one of those establishments, you became a walking DNAdvertisement
for Hercules **** and her randy bunch of overlords from seven
hells south of Guildfort, U.S.H. You actually smelled just like
the places, it was so distinctive an aroma, no one could mistake
you for some low-class L.H.er–you were Top Class. And you had
paid Top Space Dolla for the privilege.
Lately, the **** industry had become this uber-lubed over-pixel-shaded
mechanical grinding press of ******* subversion. What was once
unthinkable is now daily dross, something you turn off after a
few minutes. There’s no audience participation in the perfection
of machine lust, just an appreciation of the rhythm and the build
standard–you end up talking about tolerances and heat conveyance
and there’s nothing left. It just lost its sheen somewhere in
the last hundred years or so. Mankind was bored again.
And so was Hercules ****.
In her hundred plus years of online broadcast throughout the ******
galaxy of ***, Hercules **** had done *** every which way with
every living biomorph mankind could lift out from under an alien
rock. But remember, this is in a time when ‘bestiality’ had already
been fully explored so, there was no rule breaking here. Taboos
themselves had become a thing of the past. Now, everything went
and the punter, as was always the case, was a tough one to please.
He wanted his babes to be ****** in the *** twice before being
eviscerated on the **** machine of *****. Pieces of baby meat
were ******* in the ***-pulper and then eaten by packs of ****
who became ********* at the sight of living ******** **** on the
faces of ***...
Anyway, you get the drift–it was a very complex situation, corporate
entertainment.
Even Vampires get bored with their eternal lot. Oh, didn’t I say?
Hercules **** was a vampire. Yeah, one of the walking undead.
Forever burdened to roam the near-mortal plane between immortal
worlds, at the beck and call of the human galaxy. Such a life
was her chore. She even got sick of blood–flaying her hapless
love partners alive while making love to them, never achieving
the closeness she hoped the extra-nakedness would provide. It
only provided nothing more than an icky mess for some sanitation
droid to mop up after.
In the end, she had opted for blood abstinence.
I’ve tried to keep this a clean account of the facts of the onscreen
persona called Hercules **** for all the kiddies in kindergartens
having this read to them by their form tutors but the truth must
be told, Hercules **** has committed the ultimate sin in these
progressive times. She has resurrected animal lust.
They all thought it was dead. Like her cold, blue flesh, they
thought the interest in Nature Programming had died with the mobile
phone in the early 21st. But in her wisdom, and her lust for Top
Space Dolla she had brought the old MuskLust (as it became known)
back into public favour... in a very odd and profitable format.
The live animal birth.
Gah, they can do anything these days, just about. So rigging up
some womb in a live android-cum-vampire sleaze bucket like Hercules
**** that wouldn’t instantly reject an implanted animal fetus
and allow her to be filmed over the entire 24 hour process so
that, at midnight, all over the ****** galaxy of *** a brand new
baby animal would be born, live in your living room in holo-4D.
Well, hell, she made a packet. And best news of all, she’d got
her blood appetite back. So that’s all great. You can have fun
and make money online. But there’s only so far any vampire girl
worth her weight in Molybdenum can take her money-making imagination...
Next week, Hercules **** will give birth to the first live great-white
shark, and it would never make her rich enough. See you then ****oes.
Mike Philbin is the man behind the surrealist writing entity Hertzan
Chimera. Mike is the editor of the
Chimeraworld anthology (now in its fifth year). In 2008,
Silverthought Press of New York will release his two new novels
Bukkakeworld and
Planet of the Owls.
Color image created by Dan C. Rinnert.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any informational storage or retrieval system without express written permission from the author.
Enjoy this story?
Here’s another you might like:
2005 September 20
The first man to travel through time loses track.
Login 
